Sacred VS Sexy

 This is a repost of a note I had written on facebook a little over a year ago now. I long to write a book, but I'll settle for the audience of a blog... :) I hope this blesses you.
An extra side note, I'm not going to take the time to make it grammatically correct and edit capitalization.


just be warned, this is going to be crazy long. i highly encourage all to read 'sex God' by rob bell. it is amazing and i wish i could just write it all out here...but i wont- i'll give you that homework instead. and if you want i'll buy it for you and everything. no doubt.
ok-
this is an outpouring from my heart, gathered from previously written things and things i'm thinking now. i can get very passionate about it. mainly because i was wrapped up in it myself w/out even knowing it. i thought i was so much better than everyone else because i didn't have that struggle. well it caught up to me and almost killed me. now i'm stronger and healthier than before. still have my really bad days, grant you that...but God is helping me be the fullness of myself!

tv shows, magazines, everything in american culture no matter what age group is being catered to... all cater to our sensuality, and specifically to our sexuality.

women (and men in a different way. i'm not one, so i can't narrate for them) have a need for the world to think they're beautiful. we were crafted with different aesthetics than men, and...what? we cant let it be our natural nature to be beautiful, we want to be...what? i dont even get it. the worst part is that for so many years we've looked for the answer to our question from a world that burns us if we fail and even if we don't. or we don't believe it's true if there is approval. we continue to seek the crown. to win...win what? what does it all come down to? an equivalent to eve? to be perfect? to be what every one wants. to be wanted.
to be confident in your own skin.
what has removed us from our own skin? our self/soul/spirit is not quite connected to our bodies (in all honesty, genesis chapter 3). things that make our bodies react w/ our emotions make us feel good. when an outside source affirms that who we are is reflected in our bodies, we feel good. but we want it to be the connection of the two, we dont want to be an object. yet somehow it can become that too. once we've lost ourselves inside, the object is all we have left.
'sexy'...what? oh, right, i want to make you want to have sex w/ me...why? because that is the easiest way to feel connected to ourselves.
it takes more than yourself to feel yourself. we were created for community, we need the whole to make us feel whole. sex makes us feel one, not only w/ the other person but in ourselves. but we are not able to stay in that state, we dont have the capacity for it.
we forfeited our ability to be ourselves, our freedom (gen 3 again).
movies, concerts, even church events all boost that feeling. is it a matter of a sensation in our bodies? no, it's the idea of what that sensation means. that feeling is the shadow of what we used to have all the time...yet that's really ironic, we've never felt it at all. the shadows show us something.
and we don't know what to do w/ it.

we want to be praised and loved. we want to hold focused attention. we want it, but dont know why and dont know how to get it. we fight for it and get it aimlessly. not understanding why we want it leads us to get it by any means no matter the end. which doesnt make any sense, how often do you do something for and undefined end, without any end goal in mind? you have been taught a process by which an un-named desire is supposedly filled, but are not told why. since there is truth in it, it resonates in your soul. and we can not let go of it. it chains us and we call it freedom and remain confused as to why it doesnt work, why it doesn't last.

we desire intimacy w/ something that is greater than us. when we cant find it we feel conquered, lied to, and devalued. for in that something great we know our secrets will be unlocked and not only will we be understood, we will understand and feel ourselves. people are not very good at filling this role. for instead of gaining this, there is less understanding than when you came in. you leave w/ more questions. you leave weaker.
to argue with this is to refuse to see past the mask of power and self-assertion built up as a defense to the truth.

Media says be sexy. God says be sacred.
Media is so much louder sometimes we forget there is even another option! We forget that all the effort we put into our image leaves our insides lacking. It is so easy to ignore that interior pain, we hide it from ourselves and everyone around us. Even when we’re not trying to. “How are you?” “Good!” Right after you took some pain killers to get rid of the headache that has haunted you because of your hangover last night. Right after you beat yourself up for not getting everything ready on time. Right after you realized you forgot something crucial to take with you that day. “Oh I’ve been doing real good, how about you?”
Oh, we’re sexy. Real sexy. Let the appeal of good life flow!
But what if we let ourselves be sacred?
Granted we can’t unload our bad day to those who don’t really care. But we can’t stay hidden forever. When someone asks what’s wrong, and you know they will see through your “nothing” then share a little piece. “I have a headache.” We all understand that everyday isn’t going to be sexy and fabulous.
But everyday can be real. Life can be enjoyed by knowing it is real, by knowing each breath is sacred.
Both ideas of sacred and sexy lift us up on pedestals, but each with a different motive.
One gives you purpose and dignity.
One leaves you fighting on your own.

Some have never considered 'sacred'. They think it’s broken, ugly, lacking or weak.
Those words don’t stand a chance against sexy, strong, powerful, and untamed. We like that last one don’t we?
But at the same time, we know that’s not true. We can find beauty in the downs kid, the cripple, the child, the dying.
…only so long as it isn’t me.
We’re blown away when they are stronger than we could ever be.
They don’t have the strength to face the world and stand up on their own. They may not even know it, many times they do. We act like we don’t know it is true of ourselves. But it is just as true of us as them. Who can truly stand up against the whole world alone and not fall?
Back to being sexy. What makes it feel so good? Do we really have the need to be better than someone else? It’s not just beauty. If we’re able to help anyone out of a hard time, we feel good. We weren’t the one in the hard time, so we’re at least one step up. It’s shameful to find yourself on the bottom, to be the one in need.
But what happens when the ones on the bottom help out those in need? Are we not inspired by them? Do they make themselves better than us by doing what we can’t? Yet we’re happy for them.
That sounds more like sacred than sexy.

some mornings i wake up and wouldn't mind having someone think i was sexy. i'd feel valued and connected.
To have someone we care deeply about, return it to us. For that person to see us as we are and to be totally turned on by it. it’s like a drug.
And we are wired to need it. Who can deny that?
We need to be able to deeply affect people around us, and especially those we care most about.
can I really say I just described feeling sexy, or being sacred?
When you’re sexy, you’re not connected – you’re elevated. We don’t really feel valued either, valuable maybe, but not valued. Nor do we truly believe people who think we are sexy are deeply tuned into finding out who we are inside.
No, all these are desires to be sacred.

Hard to believe that our lives don’t determine the course of human history, yet we can know our small part is still crucial to someone’s history. Family, friends, children, those dearest to us and are sacred to us, we should let them know how we feel. Likewise, as cheesy as some of our Sunday school upbringings have made it sound, the truth that God loves us and likes us needs to sink deep. We are sacred to him. He uses us with great pleasure if we let him and don’t hide behind the cares of a world that doesn’t care.

what can seem strange and scary to think about is that God has even demanded his people to be sacred, holy. But rest assured, he also reminds us that He is the one to make us that way.
It is easier to breath when we know that it’s not on our shoulders. Then we turn around and forget yet one more time and start fighting on our own to win the affections of the world.
Sexy is counterfeit-sacred.
Allow yourself to seek your heart’s desires.

Let's get into your brain

As promised I am going to share Hooked! It shouldn't have taken me this long...but at long last, I hear your rejoicing. 

This book has truly changed how I perceive myself and my relationships. As if a whole new world has been opened out to me, I can honestly say, "Now I get it!" At least when it comes to boyfriends and marriage, anyway. I'll start by explaining why I've chosen such a strange profile picture (a gate, lost behind frozen ice): I look at the church, and I see a frozen ideal. Static opinions about what topics stay on the other side of the fence, if you will. It is my utmost desire to shatter and melt our silent wall down, and then proceed to dry up the puddle. 

The church must face the prolific saturation of sex in our society! When something this sacred has been left to be defined by a world that sees it as so common, how can we bring it to light to the world when we ourselves pretend it will resolve itself? This seems to be where I come in, and where this book comes in. Hopefully this little rant of mine will bring you in too.

What exactly am I talking about here, am I really about to talk about sex? Yes, and more. So what is it? Pg 16, “…many people disagree over what sex really is. For example, does penetration have to occur in order for the act to qualify as ‘sex’? Or can two people ‘have sex’ simply by touching each other, even on top of their clothes? Does oral sex count? What about masturbation? The most reasonable definition suggested by recent brain studies indicates that sexual activity is any intimate contact between two individuals that involves arousal, stimulation, and/or a response by at least one of the two partners.…sexual activity is any intentionally sexual intimate behavior between two partners, or even one person if self-stimulation is used." 

Bottom line - taking pleasure in turning someone on is the very beginning. It's that simple! No one ever told me that before, but now that I know, I can no longer pretend everything is innocent fun. It all starts in your brain, and once the brain starts moving it's only a matter of time before it gets what it wants. "No way, that's lame." Is it? 

We all have a strange 3lb mass behind our faces. It does stuff, but most of the time we don't care what or how just so long as it does. Let's educate ourselves a bit! What's the deal up there? I have every right to know how my own body functions! 

Synapses - things that connect our brain cells. The more you use them, the stronger they get. The less you use them, the weaker they get - and can even break down entirely. They're why you can do absolutely everything you do - speak languages, ride a bike, use a fork or chopsticks...or why you cant. Now, more specific to our topic - 3 neurochemicals: dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin. Most of us are familiar with dopamine, it's the rush when you ride a roller coaster, do something for the first time, or do any other risk-involved activity. The other two were new to me. They are released by physical contact between romantic partners. It happens for quite simply after a 20 second hug. What happens then is bonding and the creation of trust. It seems females have more release or don’t require as much stimulation for release as males do, though I’m not certain of that. Regardless, once you let some one get close to you long enough, you will start trusting them. Then once you start trusting them, you let them get closer. And once you let them get closer you trust them more. Once you trust them more, you let them get closer… The more often you engage each other, the more often you will want to engage each other. Those synapses I was talking about are becoming stronger every time, so to stop the behavior you have to break the synapse! But obviously it wont be easy. Not only is it emotional pain, your brain sees it in the same place that it sees real physical pain - broken love hurts. Even if you do move on and enter a new relationship, you’ll bring in those habits and take your new partner to a similar level of intimacy much faster than is healthy for the relationship. Beyond that, the more frequently you break up relationships that are physical in nature, the less capable you will become of forming a long-term relationship. So maybe we shouldn’t shrug the idea that dating around is like practicing divorce…when the rate is 50% regardless of if you’re a church-goer or not – I wouldn’t laugh at it. I’ll wrap it up with this – If we really care about people and really love people, we’ll respect them. So what greater respect can we show someone we love intimately than by enabling them to make choices that produce the most abundant future possible? There is so much more in the book than I've been able to share here - so get a copy and be enlightened! If anyone wants more detail about anything, I'm more than willing to dive in.