Let's get into your brain

As promised I am going to share Hooked! It shouldn't have taken me this long...but at long last, I hear your rejoicing. 

This book has truly changed how I perceive myself and my relationships. As if a whole new world has been opened out to me, I can honestly say, "Now I get it!" At least when it comes to boyfriends and marriage, anyway. I'll start by explaining why I've chosen such a strange profile picture (a gate, lost behind frozen ice): I look at the church, and I see a frozen ideal. Static opinions about what topics stay on the other side of the fence, if you will. It is my utmost desire to shatter and melt our silent wall down, and then proceed to dry up the puddle. 

The church must face the prolific saturation of sex in our society! When something this sacred has been left to be defined by a world that sees it as so common, how can we bring it to light to the world when we ourselves pretend it will resolve itself? This seems to be where I come in, and where this book comes in. Hopefully this little rant of mine will bring you in too.

What exactly am I talking about here, am I really about to talk about sex? Yes, and more. So what is it? Pg 16, “…many people disagree over what sex really is. For example, does penetration have to occur in order for the act to qualify as ‘sex’? Or can two people ‘have sex’ simply by touching each other, even on top of their clothes? Does oral sex count? What about masturbation? The most reasonable definition suggested by recent brain studies indicates that sexual activity is any intimate contact between two individuals that involves arousal, stimulation, and/or a response by at least one of the two partners.…sexual activity is any intentionally sexual intimate behavior between two partners, or even one person if self-stimulation is used." 

Bottom line - taking pleasure in turning someone on is the very beginning. It's that simple! No one ever told me that before, but now that I know, I can no longer pretend everything is innocent fun. It all starts in your brain, and once the brain starts moving it's only a matter of time before it gets what it wants. "No way, that's lame." Is it? 

We all have a strange 3lb mass behind our faces. It does stuff, but most of the time we don't care what or how just so long as it does. Let's educate ourselves a bit! What's the deal up there? I have every right to know how my own body functions! 

Synapses - things that connect our brain cells. The more you use them, the stronger they get. The less you use them, the weaker they get - and can even break down entirely. They're why you can do absolutely everything you do - speak languages, ride a bike, use a fork or chopsticks...or why you cant. Now, more specific to our topic - 3 neurochemicals: dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin. Most of us are familiar with dopamine, it's the rush when you ride a roller coaster, do something for the first time, or do any other risk-involved activity. The other two were new to me. They are released by physical contact between romantic partners. It happens for quite simply after a 20 second hug. What happens then is bonding and the creation of trust. It seems females have more release or don’t require as much stimulation for release as males do, though I’m not certain of that. Regardless, once you let some one get close to you long enough, you will start trusting them. Then once you start trusting them, you let them get closer. And once you let them get closer you trust them more. Once you trust them more, you let them get closer… The more often you engage each other, the more often you will want to engage each other. Those synapses I was talking about are becoming stronger every time, so to stop the behavior you have to break the synapse! But obviously it wont be easy. Not only is it emotional pain, your brain sees it in the same place that it sees real physical pain - broken love hurts. Even if you do move on and enter a new relationship, you’ll bring in those habits and take your new partner to a similar level of intimacy much faster than is healthy for the relationship. Beyond that, the more frequently you break up relationships that are physical in nature, the less capable you will become of forming a long-term relationship. So maybe we shouldn’t shrug the idea that dating around is like practicing divorce…when the rate is 50% regardless of if you’re a church-goer or not – I wouldn’t laugh at it. I’ll wrap it up with this – If we really care about people and really love people, we’ll respect them. So what greater respect can we show someone we love intimately than by enabling them to make choices that produce the most abundant future possible? There is so much more in the book than I've been able to share here - so get a copy and be enlightened! If anyone wants more detail about anything, I'm more than willing to dive in.