accepting vulnerablility

i openly admit i build a shell around myself. i hold close all my fears...like little pets.
and obviously that isnt working out for me so well.
i love listening to podcasts, and this one God used to pick up my favorite pet - my sensation of upmost vulnerability - singing. i may never understand why i cling to silence to tightly. but i long for it to change.
i was listening to tullian tchividjian @ the village church, these words stuck to me:
"sanctification is getting used to your justification...
[sanctification is] receiving Christ's words, "it is finished" into our rebleious regions of unbelief.
everything in Christ you need, you already have.
He won for me, i'm free to lose."


i'm lead to this responce...

fear is pride w/in me, and to hold to it is unbelief. it is death, and it is bitter.
Christ has died, and is now alive - i have no death to taste!
oh Christ let sweetness be on my lips. let love overflow my walls and fall them like jericho
let my heart, mind, soul, and strength never come under seige by my permission, that invisible shackels should clasp my soul. for You have set me free.
what strength have i to refuse You?
order my thoughts, command my love, woo my soul.
open my eyes to look beyond men, to look beyond angels, and to look to You alone.
this is where my joy is found, so let me dwell there forever!
when i look to myself, when i look at the world...i reveal an idolotrus heart.
who should i love more than You?
what has anyone done that should strip my gaze from You?
how is it possible that fear should be on my lips, stealing Your praise?
how is it possible that i could store honor in my heart, and keep it from You?
it can not be.
let me open my mouth in praise and unbind my lips in song, for this is the glory of the Lord in my bones!
what do i have that was not given? nothing i am is my own.
how should i declaire it's function or act as keeper to my gates?
if i am a city, though just a simple town, nothing of grandure is built by my hands
yet the King, the Lord almighty, takes delight and finds joy when He dwells w/in me.
let His radiance burst forth and be my utter destruction, let his Spirit build a palace, a temple, high in the depths of my heart.
there is no beauty i desire more than this.
there is nothing i seek w/ more passion.
lest i forget again, hold me tight in Your arms!
let me look forward to restitution, and seek it in my temporary station here
for You have already finished it. teach me to know it.


it seems i have no choice, i must be lain bare before the Lord of Hosts. as we all shall be.
this is a great liberation, i can not lose. this is grace. and i'm emboldened to chase it.