how many edits does it take to get to the center of a good intention?

i tried to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine, but it just turned into me walking completely away without a word. it's been years since we have even been friends, i mean really friends. it became more like acquaintances these last few years, neither of us knowing what was going on in the others life, and not really taking the time to find out either. i seem to be a common denominator to that friendship equation, as nearly all of my close friends over the years have found this occurrence come to pass. but this one was the closest, and i owe it to say goodbye.

i need to apologize for walking away in silence so often. for not just standing through it as i should have. i do miss you, i shouldn't lie about that. i prided myself if not allowing drama to continue into our friendship, but i was fighting my internal emotional mess the whole time. so, here i am, admitting that i am an emotional mess, and that this is why i had to walk away. i mean, goodness, who does this?

i always feel foolish when i speak to you. i wonder what we could even talk about these days.

anyway, i hope for only the best things for you. for deep love, for strong family, for good friends that are loyal in darkest times. i pray for your future children, that they look up to you and think you're better than superman even when they're teenagers.

i had a thought earlier that you might appreciate - the doctor is basically like combining mr. darcy and the madhatter.

so, i will end on that amusement. and bid you fare* well.


*apparently at least one more...oh typos.

dry old people hymns vs offensive heathen "jesus" concert

i dont think hymns are "dry old people music",
and i dont think the current style is a concert.

so long as:
the hearts of the leaders, and those following their direction, are not concerned with each others approval, but only Christ's.

if that is not true, then neither style should be engaged in the corporate worship arena.

if the aim is to gain human approval, or the aim is to avoid being shamed by legalism without grace, or if the aim is to provide grace without a submissive heart unto the body of Christ - then the light within you is darkness.

ahem, in case you missed what i said or it hasnt sunk in yet: put a sign on the piano, the organ, the guitar, the drums - "out of order"
and let the music leader sit in the pews with you, no mic, no lyrics to follow.

wait for it....
you: "say WHAT!? if we dont sing hymns OR modern music, what DO we sing?"

uhm, nothing. that really, honestly is my point.

because we have issues.
because this is a divisive issue.
and things that divide should be addressed, not glossed over or ignored. they especially should not be given further distance and they should not be used to further separate the church. they should be dealt with under the authority of the Holy Spirit. and if we are not currently welcoming the direction of the Holy Spirit (which i would wager we are not, otherwise this would not be an issue as of yet unresolved at our current juncture). what if we called for a fast? not from food - but from music during our church service. if we are in disunity, why should God delight in our praises?

some of us may not even realize there are those distraught over this issue.
THAT is an issue.

we do not know each other. what if we spent the time sharing our stories instead of singing? would we be willing to still come to such a worship service? or would we bail out, taking it as a chance to pursue the music style of our preference somewhere else? when we walk through those building doors, we should be consciously bowing our heads to the authority and glory of the One who died and then conquered death so that we could find ourselves in the presence of God and not die. maybe then we would actually have the movement of the Holy Spirit in our midst.

what if?

part of the oppression in our church is our resistance of the Holy Spirit - he knows how he wants us to worship and will lead us. we are soul, spirit, and body - and when all three parts are in unity within one person, we are only then being the person God designed us to be. so if the Spirit invites you to stand, you will feel peace only when you oblige. am i wrong? is there no inner frustration with ourselves and with God's demands on our behavior when we refuse to do what He knows is best?

i know what it feels like to learn a lesson the hard way. i implore you to investigate the voice that wins in your heart over His. who's voice is it?

i think that if we were to fast from music for a time, that once we were only listening to God's voice about how He wishes our style to unfold - it would come alive. we could sing hymns that could pull us to joyful tears and raised hands, we could sing new songs with quiet spirits and soft responses.

we could find a way to put up with each other.

we are members of the body of Christ, we don't really get much say in the matter. we will be putting up with each other. so lets go ahead and get started. Jesus saves the moral and the immoral. He saves those who grew up in church and those who have yet to actually go into one. there's no room for singing selfish songs.

let's fast from music, and get to know each other. let's listen. we might pause and say, "oh. didn't know that about you!" and it might be terrifying. well, ok - it WILL be terrifying. worse than a roller coaster. which, now that i picture it - some people raise their hands on roller coasters, and some don't, yet i've never seen someone say, "you will never be allowed to ride this roller coaster again because you did/didn't raise your hands."

uhm, i should stop. the end. ...this should get interesting feedback.
"too long, too wordy!"
"you're crazy - i can't even tell what color your cool-aid is!"
"that is all unnecessary"
"that will never happen"
"i will never let that happen"
"seriously, use proper capitalization and grammar!"
or
just maybe

"daft, like jack"
(shouldn't watch movies before blogging)