oh sigh, i've done it again. convicted myself of my anti-social ways. i hate it when that happens. though it does push me to express myself and engage in the public forum through this blog, which is the point of my writing in the first place...
my point - i was catching up w/ a good friend by means of reading her blog.
pause...think about it...feel the irony...inhale it deeply, hold it.......and.....release.
ah, so strange how we can put our fingers to the keys and our eyes to the screen and pretend that we are living. why dont i make it a point to use my days off to get outside of my little box? i feel pressured to produce works of art and creativity, though by the end of the day all i'm left with are a few unfinished projects. or a lot of unfinished projects, but no one is counting...i'm not anyway.
i feel funny sitting here analyzing myself and sharing it through this blog. i guess i should see if there is some life to be gotten after...at the very least, take advantage of this beautiful day and finish a painting outside.
10/14/11
let this be my religion
my constant conflict with my identity and future is this - i want to be an artist. but i hate materialism.
incredible irony is my plague and torture...so i constantly plead to God to make my calling clear.
i can hardly justify making art and selling it so that someone can add to their list of stuph. i've written about throwing out the things that hinder our sight line of God - and if i make art that promotes this mentality and value system, there is no justification of a price tag. i have no choice but to give it away. but i cant. but i can...but i cant. you see my dilemma?
so i've been reading richard stearns' the hole in our gospel, and it is only becoming more obvious that my life is wasted if i only set out to make art that makes much of me, that depicts what is in my head and conveys my emotions. even if it 'speaks' to many people...so what? we all die. i guess i fit the artist role better than i realize sometimes...morbid, bi-polar in ways of hope and despair, and poetic about it. makes me think of david (famed king of israel, yeah, that david). i bet he would make a fabulous artist in todays world.
anywho. i think i have a project that moulds into this ideal art that i've been looking for - i have about 30 vintage stickers that say 'fragile', bright orange ones, and i want to identify at least 30 categories of 'the least of these' to either paint or photograph, wrap up like an opened package w/ the sticker and a twine ribbon on them. i dont know where they would go, or what they would accomplish, but if i am to love the least, i need to know who they are, where they are...and make it personal.
1 corinthians 12: 22-23, 26 "in fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary. and the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care...if one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad."
13:3, "if i gave everything i have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, i could boast about it; but if i didn't love others, i would be of no value whatsoever."
james 1:27, 2:1, "pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us. my dear brothers, how can you claim that you have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people more than others?"
so, my current list (in the order i thought of them):
1 unborn babies
2 babies born sick
3 unwed mothers
4 widows
5 elderly w/ no family
6 orphans
7 sexually abused
8 physically abused
9 emotionally abused
10 neglected
11 addicted
12 homeless
13 poor
14 handicapped physically
15 handicapped mentally
16 chronically sick
17 prisoners
i hope i'm not missing anyone, if i am, add to it. if this is my full list, i could combine some and make 2 of each and have 2 sets that could go places. who would put up such a display? it would not be for beauty. it would not be for comfort. it would not be for peace. are we courageous enough? am i? pray that i continue this project and do not let it fall behind.
incredible irony is my plague and torture...so i constantly plead to God to make my calling clear.
i can hardly justify making art and selling it so that someone can add to their list of stuph. i've written about throwing out the things that hinder our sight line of God - and if i make art that promotes this mentality and value system, there is no justification of a price tag. i have no choice but to give it away. but i cant. but i can...but i cant. you see my dilemma?
so i've been reading richard stearns' the hole in our gospel, and it is only becoming more obvious that my life is wasted if i only set out to make art that makes much of me, that depicts what is in my head and conveys my emotions. even if it 'speaks' to many people...so what? we all die. i guess i fit the artist role better than i realize sometimes...morbid, bi-polar in ways of hope and despair, and poetic about it. makes me think of david (famed king of israel, yeah, that david). i bet he would make a fabulous artist in todays world.
anywho. i think i have a project that moulds into this ideal art that i've been looking for - i have about 30 vintage stickers that say 'fragile', bright orange ones, and i want to identify at least 30 categories of 'the least of these' to either paint or photograph, wrap up like an opened package w/ the sticker and a twine ribbon on them. i dont know where they would go, or what they would accomplish, but if i am to love the least, i need to know who they are, where they are...and make it personal.
1 corinthians 12: 22-23, 26 "in fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary. and the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care...if one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad."
13:3, "if i gave everything i have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, i could boast about it; but if i didn't love others, i would be of no value whatsoever."
james 1:27, 2:1, "pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us. my dear brothers, how can you claim that you have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people more than others?"
so, my current list (in the order i thought of them):
1 unborn babies
2 babies born sick
3 unwed mothers
4 widows
5 elderly w/ no family
6 orphans
7 sexually abused
8 physically abused
9 emotionally abused
10 neglected
11 addicted
12 homeless
13 poor
14 handicapped physically
15 handicapped mentally
16 chronically sick
17 prisoners
i hope i'm not missing anyone, if i am, add to it. if this is my full list, i could combine some and make 2 of each and have 2 sets that could go places. who would put up such a display? it would not be for beauty. it would not be for comfort. it would not be for peace. are we courageous enough? am i? pray that i continue this project and do not let it fall behind.
10/9/11
wash, rinse, repeat. yes, but how many times?
to want something, but know you dont want it as badly as you want to want it. yeah. this is my life's address it seems. i want to be an artist, writer, creative mind...but i know i dont want it as badly as i need to in order to actually become this person. some may say i already am such a character, and to an extent i know that it's part of my identity. but as one can only know themselves - i know i am not who i want to be, but i dont know how to want it bad enough to actually do what it takes to make it happen.
surrendering my identity on the alter to God is the only place left. and it's been there the whole time...and i've put myself on it over and over throughout the years...so why does it seem i've crawled off to hide myself away from the only one who can make 'me'. i sing the songs, i write the poems, i ponder the deep thoughts - and? and i still dont know who i am. i think i know who God is, and i love everything i discover and find revealed to my finite mind, yet i cant keep myself from asking Him, yes but who am i? i'm obsessed with myself. and every time i come to realize this truth, i start to come to grips again with truth - that 'who am i?' is a stupid question. this blog is a template i follow probably once every few months or so. i get lost, turned around, uninspired...then i dig in to figure out why....and God is there. and kindness above kindness He always offers peace. He tells me, 'stop your frantic searching, i know you. i know who you are and what you do. so live. breath in each day. love me, because i love you. that is all the identity you need, and in it you will find the identity you want.' release. i'm so curious what His plans for me will look like. but i also wonder if i wont see it till it's already gone by.
surrendering my identity on the alter to God is the only place left. and it's been there the whole time...and i've put myself on it over and over throughout the years...so why does it seem i've crawled off to hide myself away from the only one who can make 'me'. i sing the songs, i write the poems, i ponder the deep thoughts - and? and i still dont know who i am. i think i know who God is, and i love everything i discover and find revealed to my finite mind, yet i cant keep myself from asking Him, yes but who am i? i'm obsessed with myself. and every time i come to realize this truth, i start to come to grips again with truth - that 'who am i?' is a stupid question. this blog is a template i follow probably once every few months or so. i get lost, turned around, uninspired...then i dig in to figure out why....and God is there. and kindness above kindness He always offers peace. He tells me, 'stop your frantic searching, i know you. i know who you are and what you do. so live. breath in each day. love me, because i love you. that is all the identity you need, and in it you will find the identity you want.' release. i'm so curious what His plans for me will look like. but i also wonder if i wont see it till it's already gone by.
9/20/11
the kind of day to live for, and live in.
peace like this is such a blessing. it has been a sabbath of a day for me... clean room, cuddly kitty, and a trip to the grocery store with the presence of God completely surrounding me!
i've been so incredibly impatient these last few...well, months? years? yet, today, driving behind the guy smoking his cigg leisurely below the speed limit - i was fine, and drank in a bit of his drug-induced calm instead of tensing my shoulders in my normal 'you-are-in-my-way-because-it-is-about-me' frustration. then while looking for a parking place, i circled around to find myself behind a dear older woman pushing her cart down the middle of the lane. and what did i do? i watched her, not with a glare, but in simplicity. then i found the delight of a parking spot under the full shade of a tree. once i gathered all my items inside the store, the system was down and they only took credit. so the long lines moved a little slow and i enjoyed pondering out loud with the older woman in line behind me about how the debit could be down yet the credit still online...she agreed with me and had a nice smile. i was able to be light spirited with the cashier and sympathize her situation. on the way home, green lights.
on top of that, now that my cold is mostly gone, i can sing again. so i sang in the car with a different heart, considering that i am able to do so... and that it makes Him smile. so i smiled back.
i've been so incredibly impatient these last few...well, months? years? yet, today, driving behind the guy smoking his cigg leisurely below the speed limit - i was fine, and drank in a bit of his drug-induced calm instead of tensing my shoulders in my normal 'you-are-in-my-way-because-it-is-about-me' frustration. then while looking for a parking place, i circled around to find myself behind a dear older woman pushing her cart down the middle of the lane. and what did i do? i watched her, not with a glare, but in simplicity. then i found the delight of a parking spot under the full shade of a tree. once i gathered all my items inside the store, the system was down and they only took credit. so the long lines moved a little slow and i enjoyed pondering out loud with the older woman in line behind me about how the debit could be down yet the credit still online...she agreed with me and had a nice smile. i was able to be light spirited with the cashier and sympathize her situation. on the way home, green lights.
on top of that, now that my cold is mostly gone, i can sing again. so i sang in the car with a different heart, considering that i am able to do so... and that it makes Him smile. so i smiled back.
9/8/11
are caterpillars self-conscious in their chrysalis?
i need a good challenge every now and then. a dear friend and i talked a while back about writing and living and being 'undiminished' in life. in other chats, she gave me the word 'courage' to hold and to own. it is my habit to live according to the illustration, "put your finger in a glass of water. when you pull it out, how big is the hole?" but i know at the same time that God placed me here just the same way as the next person. so then it is my task to make real the purpose he made me to fit into.
after thinking about these things, several ways i have let myself live diminishedly became convictions instead of minor characteristics in my personality.
i considered the fact that my future brother-in-law has asked for me to dance with him at their wedding. at the time, every single fiber of my being freaked out and shut down to the idea. I do Not Dance. no. sigh... so then, my considerations led me to open myself to a dance, one, just one. as i write this, a urge to delete and deny is washing over me, there is still much time between then and now. plenty of time to change my mind and fall into my 'safe place'. i like being invisible. i'm the sound tech, anti-social artist, writer who hides behind the type and doesnt mind not being known...dancing. oof. dancing makes you very known.
another 'undiminished' issue is my weight. where everyone else in america is fighting to extend the life of their knees, i'm struggling to reach the bottom of the ideal weight range for my height. so, be excited - i've decided to throw a wine tasting party once i've gained my weight goal. sadly i obviously cant invite you all, sorry. but since i'm 20 lbs under weight, yes, 20 (no, i dont care if you think i look fine, those of you who know me - what i look like has only a portion of my problem), i dont allow myself to drink. i'd just pass out. so, i smell the lovely smells and consider the fun of food pairing...and now i use it to motivate myself to actually participate.
my only problem now is convincing myself that it is ok for me to change. because to do all of these things, it is required of me to become a wholly different person. granted i know it would be a better person, but i like who i am, and i know who i am in regard to the people i know, i know my context. this feels like so much more than just a new chapter, but a whole new book. it would be so much easier to go off into another part of the world with people who know my goals and help me reach them, then send me back changed so that i can be saved from the awkward intermediate stages in between. that's what i hate most about this. i cant just snap my fingers and be who i need to be, who i want to be. i have to let you see the gory details of my transformation, like a clear chrysalis.
after thinking about these things, several ways i have let myself live diminishedly became convictions instead of minor characteristics in my personality.
i considered the fact that my future brother-in-law has asked for me to dance with him at their wedding. at the time, every single fiber of my being freaked out and shut down to the idea. I do Not Dance. no. sigh... so then, my considerations led me to open myself to a dance, one, just one. as i write this, a urge to delete and deny is washing over me, there is still much time between then and now. plenty of time to change my mind and fall into my 'safe place'. i like being invisible. i'm the sound tech, anti-social artist, writer who hides behind the type and doesnt mind not being known...dancing. oof. dancing makes you very known.
another 'undiminished' issue is my weight. where everyone else in america is fighting to extend the life of their knees, i'm struggling to reach the bottom of the ideal weight range for my height. so, be excited - i've decided to throw a wine tasting party once i've gained my weight goal. sadly i obviously cant invite you all, sorry. but since i'm 20 lbs under weight, yes, 20 (no, i dont care if you think i look fine, those of you who know me - what i look like has only a portion of my problem), i dont allow myself to drink. i'd just pass out. so, i smell the lovely smells and consider the fun of food pairing...and now i use it to motivate myself to actually participate.
my only problem now is convincing myself that it is ok for me to change. because to do all of these things, it is required of me to become a wholly different person. granted i know it would be a better person, but i like who i am, and i know who i am in regard to the people i know, i know my context. this feels like so much more than just a new chapter, but a whole new book. it would be so much easier to go off into another part of the world with people who know my goals and help me reach them, then send me back changed so that i can be saved from the awkward intermediate stages in between. that's what i hate most about this. i cant just snap my fingers and be who i need to be, who i want to be. i have to let you see the gory details of my transformation, like a clear chrysalis.
6/4/11
a woman in war time
when i find myself in the Word, i dont ever want to find my way back out.
reading john eldridge's book 'fathered by God'. ...pulls a lot of thoughts out of me. and as i figure things out about myself, i will share them. for we are never alone in our struggles.
in the descriptions and words he shares on a man's 'warrior stage' he says, "the warrior must learn to yield his heart to nothing. not to kill his heart for fear of falling into temptation, but to protect his heart for nobler things, to keep the integrity of his heart as a great reservoir of passionate strength and holy desire."
he then also says, "there is a warrior in you, by the way. however it has been handled up to this point in your life, it can be restored, recovered, and made strong."
no woman can raise a warrior, or make one out of a man in her life. it is not what she has been equipped to do. so what then does a woman do in war time? what aid does she offer to encourage and strengthen the warrior's heart?
she is not a warrior herself, no matter how willing she may be.
there is Christ alone we stand together under, He is our Banner and our Battle Cry and our King.
so as a woman i need to learn the authority and power in the name of Jesus the Christ, the Anointed Holy One of Heaven. i may not be a man, but women sew the flags they fight under. He is my Banner. I desire to sew diligently.
how often women have sewn banners that lie of peace time and soft hands. they lie of Jesus' warrior status and call him weak. meek is not the same, for He will never break a bruised reed and He will never snuff out a flickering wick. this is the most beautiful strength!
let the men rise under the banner of the Risen Lord, Commander of the heavenly hosts and Redeemer of Israel.
i shall strive to be such a woman. i will sew diligently.
reading john eldridge's book 'fathered by God'. ...pulls a lot of thoughts out of me. and as i figure things out about myself, i will share them. for we are never alone in our struggles.
in the descriptions and words he shares on a man's 'warrior stage' he says, "the warrior must learn to yield his heart to nothing. not to kill his heart for fear of falling into temptation, but to protect his heart for nobler things, to keep the integrity of his heart as a great reservoir of passionate strength and holy desire."
he then also says, "there is a warrior in you, by the way. however it has been handled up to this point in your life, it can be restored, recovered, and made strong."
no woman can raise a warrior, or make one out of a man in her life. it is not what she has been equipped to do. so what then does a woman do in war time? what aid does she offer to encourage and strengthen the warrior's heart?
she is not a warrior herself, no matter how willing she may be.
there is Christ alone we stand together under, He is our Banner and our Battle Cry and our King.
so as a woman i need to learn the authority and power in the name of Jesus the Christ, the Anointed Holy One of Heaven. i may not be a man, but women sew the flags they fight under. He is my Banner. I desire to sew diligently.
how often women have sewn banners that lie of peace time and soft hands. they lie of Jesus' warrior status and call him weak. meek is not the same, for He will never break a bruised reed and He will never snuff out a flickering wick. this is the most beautiful strength!
let the men rise under the banner of the Risen Lord, Commander of the heavenly hosts and Redeemer of Israel.
i shall strive to be such a woman. i will sew diligently.
bedazzled shackles are still ugly.
this is a word from the Lord to me, and because it speaks so close to my heart i'm sure someone else is w/ me.
so be encouraged!
this is what the Lord has declared to me:
"what benefit is it to decorate your shackles? you carve and engrave delicate patterns, you add jewels and stones. pretending they are an ornament changes nothing about the fact that they are a testimony of your slavery.
be careful not to make them appear too beautiful, for they are covered in your blood. they cause your wounds, making the patterns a scar to your wrists.
be careful, for someday the King will come to call you away from your bondage - holding the key to your shackles. will you be able to leave them behind? or will you try to stow them away to remember their shinny lies?
as your wounds heal, you are prone to forget how deep they cut you and how much of your life they have claimed. chains are chains, and they proclaim your master. these are no bangles that you might play as if you were royalty!
you have been called out. you ARE royalty. leave these old bonds for your crowns of gold, and see the inheritance of the Prince is waiting for you. the throne room of heaven is open that you may enter and call the Mighty King, 'father'.
yet you do not enter.
you sit in the dark and play with your 'bangles' and wonder why you are still lost in your chains."
so be encouraged!
this is what the Lord has declared to me:
"what benefit is it to decorate your shackles? you carve and engrave delicate patterns, you add jewels and stones. pretending they are an ornament changes nothing about the fact that they are a testimony of your slavery.
be careful not to make them appear too beautiful, for they are covered in your blood. they cause your wounds, making the patterns a scar to your wrists.
be careful, for someday the King will come to call you away from your bondage - holding the key to your shackles. will you be able to leave them behind? or will you try to stow them away to remember their shinny lies?
as your wounds heal, you are prone to forget how deep they cut you and how much of your life they have claimed. chains are chains, and they proclaim your master. these are no bangles that you might play as if you were royalty!
you have been called out. you ARE royalty. leave these old bonds for your crowns of gold, and see the inheritance of the Prince is waiting for you. the throne room of heaven is open that you may enter and call the Mighty King, 'father'.
yet you do not enter.
you sit in the dark and play with your 'bangles' and wonder why you are still lost in your chains."
5/17/11
accepting vulnerablility
i openly admit i build a shell around myself. i hold close all my fears...like little pets.
and obviously that isnt working out for me so well.
i love listening to podcasts, and this one God used to pick up my favorite pet - my sensation of upmost vulnerability - singing. i may never understand why i cling to silence to tightly. but i long for it to change.
i was listening to tullian tchividjian @ the village church, these words stuck to me:
"sanctification is getting used to your justification...
[sanctification is] receiving Christ's words, "it is finished" into our rebleious regions of unbelief.
everything in Christ you need, you already have.
He won for me, i'm free to lose."
i'm lead to this responce...
fear is pride w/in me, and to hold to it is unbelief. it is death, and it is bitter.
Christ has died, and is now alive - i have no death to taste!
oh Christ let sweetness be on my lips. let love overflow my walls and fall them like jericho
let my heart, mind, soul, and strength never come under seige by my permission, that invisible shackels should clasp my soul. for You have set me free.
what strength have i to refuse You?
order my thoughts, command my love, woo my soul.
open my eyes to look beyond men, to look beyond angels, and to look to You alone.
this is where my joy is found, so let me dwell there forever!
when i look to myself, when i look at the world...i reveal an idolotrus heart.
who should i love more than You?
what has anyone done that should strip my gaze from You?
how is it possible that fear should be on my lips, stealing Your praise?
how is it possible that i could store honor in my heart, and keep it from You?
it can not be.
let me open my mouth in praise and unbind my lips in song, for this is the glory of the Lord in my bones!
what do i have that was not given? nothing i am is my own.
how should i declaire it's function or act as keeper to my gates?
if i am a city, though just a simple town, nothing of grandure is built by my hands
yet the King, the Lord almighty, takes delight and finds joy when He dwells w/in me.
let His radiance burst forth and be my utter destruction, let his Spirit build a palace, a temple, high in the depths of my heart.
there is no beauty i desire more than this.
there is nothing i seek w/ more passion.
lest i forget again, hold me tight in Your arms!
let me look forward to restitution, and seek it in my temporary station here
for You have already finished it. teach me to know it.
it seems i have no choice, i must be lain bare before the Lord of Hosts. as we all shall be.
this is a great liberation, i can not lose. this is grace. and i'm emboldened to chase it.
and obviously that isnt working out for me so well.
i love listening to podcasts, and this one God used to pick up my favorite pet - my sensation of upmost vulnerability - singing. i may never understand why i cling to silence to tightly. but i long for it to change.
i was listening to tullian tchividjian @ the village church, these words stuck to me:
"sanctification is getting used to your justification...
[sanctification is] receiving Christ's words, "it is finished" into our rebleious regions of unbelief.
everything in Christ you need, you already have.
He won for me, i'm free to lose."
i'm lead to this responce...
fear is pride w/in me, and to hold to it is unbelief. it is death, and it is bitter.
Christ has died, and is now alive - i have no death to taste!
oh Christ let sweetness be on my lips. let love overflow my walls and fall them like jericho
let my heart, mind, soul, and strength never come under seige by my permission, that invisible shackels should clasp my soul. for You have set me free.
what strength have i to refuse You?
order my thoughts, command my love, woo my soul.
open my eyes to look beyond men, to look beyond angels, and to look to You alone.
this is where my joy is found, so let me dwell there forever!
when i look to myself, when i look at the world...i reveal an idolotrus heart.
who should i love more than You?
what has anyone done that should strip my gaze from You?
how is it possible that fear should be on my lips, stealing Your praise?
how is it possible that i could store honor in my heart, and keep it from You?
it can not be.
let me open my mouth in praise and unbind my lips in song, for this is the glory of the Lord in my bones!
what do i have that was not given? nothing i am is my own.
how should i declaire it's function or act as keeper to my gates?
if i am a city, though just a simple town, nothing of grandure is built by my hands
yet the King, the Lord almighty, takes delight and finds joy when He dwells w/in me.
let His radiance burst forth and be my utter destruction, let his Spirit build a palace, a temple, high in the depths of my heart.
there is no beauty i desire more than this.
there is nothing i seek w/ more passion.
lest i forget again, hold me tight in Your arms!
let me look forward to restitution, and seek it in my temporary station here
for You have already finished it. teach me to know it.
it seems i have no choice, i must be lain bare before the Lord of Hosts. as we all shall be.
this is a great liberation, i can not lose. this is grace. and i'm emboldened to chase it.
2/7/11
my irony
Obviously I'm not a loyal blogger. My apologies to anyone who would make better use of my title. I did choose it on purpose and with a lot of thought...
I'm an introvert, but I understand and love my need for people in my life. So often I find it to be incredibly easy to completely disengage and revert to my silent cave. Part of me feels that being here at my computer is a trace of that hiding, even though I'm using it to communicate my thoughts to so many possible people. It seems I stay away because it looks like an excuse not to be face to face with my audience. But obviously I wouldn't have an audience if I didn't offer my thoughts on any platform at all.
Ta-da, here I am! ...Though, perhaps another reason I take such long leave is how vulnerable a person becomes when they release some of their souls in writing. It's a lot like my paintings, but with the requirement that it make sense in one direction rather than being open to interpretation by each viewer. Yet both mediums leave the author at risk for misinterpretation. I just have to be willing to take that risk and go for it. A goal for the week is to post at least two more times. Goal setting isn't a strength of mine, but it always seems to help when I set myself down and make a resolved stance against the evil auto-pilot that takes me captive to it's lair of inactivity.
These are a few thoughts that encourage me in the daily-ness of life.
Rain. So many ways to see it. Is it tears from sorrow or joy's deep laughter? Is it destructive and violent or necessary for fragile new growth? Is it making mud, or is it cleansing the ground? Life is filled with times of rain. Much of the same comes from sunlight. Is it vivid life, or drying fire? Does it light our way, or cause our blindness? Life is filled with times sunlight. Sunlight and rain, you generally have one or the other, but even so there seem to be 4 sides on this strange coin. Perhaps each day is the roll of a die. Proverbs 16:33, "We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall." Amazing how what determines the day is your perspective. An image I try to keep in sight is that of a coiled spring. Like a path we are traveling, if we only look down it seems we are forever going in circles watching the things that used to be dear to us become smaller and smaller! However, if we were to look up - the horizon would be ever expanding before us as we find ourselves journeying higher and higher. Instead of longing for the past, we must learn to receive the fullness of the gift-day.
Preaching to myself again it seems. Often times I think I'm the main one who needs to hear my sermon-ets.
I'm an introvert, but I understand and love my need for people in my life. So often I find it to be incredibly easy to completely disengage and revert to my silent cave. Part of me feels that being here at my computer is a trace of that hiding, even though I'm using it to communicate my thoughts to so many possible people. It seems I stay away because it looks like an excuse not to be face to face with my audience. But obviously I wouldn't have an audience if I didn't offer my thoughts on any platform at all.
Ta-da, here I am! ...Though, perhaps another reason I take such long leave is how vulnerable a person becomes when they release some of their souls in writing. It's a lot like my paintings, but with the requirement that it make sense in one direction rather than being open to interpretation by each viewer. Yet both mediums leave the author at risk for misinterpretation. I just have to be willing to take that risk and go for it. A goal for the week is to post at least two more times. Goal setting isn't a strength of mine, but it always seems to help when I set myself down and make a resolved stance against the evil auto-pilot that takes me captive to it's lair of inactivity.
These are a few thoughts that encourage me in the daily-ness of life.
Rain. So many ways to see it. Is it tears from sorrow or joy's deep laughter? Is it destructive and violent or necessary for fragile new growth? Is it making mud, or is it cleansing the ground? Life is filled with times of rain. Much of the same comes from sunlight. Is it vivid life, or drying fire? Does it light our way, or cause our blindness? Life is filled with times sunlight. Sunlight and rain, you generally have one or the other, but even so there seem to be 4 sides on this strange coin. Perhaps each day is the roll of a die. Proverbs 16:33, "We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall." Amazing how what determines the day is your perspective. An image I try to keep in sight is that of a coiled spring. Like a path we are traveling, if we only look down it seems we are forever going in circles watching the things that used to be dear to us become smaller and smaller! However, if we were to look up - the horizon would be ever expanding before us as we find ourselves journeying higher and higher. Instead of longing for the past, we must learn to receive the fullness of the gift-day.
Preaching to myself again it seems. Often times I think I'm the main one who needs to hear my sermon-ets.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
