viscosity of thoughts

with the help of a friend, who is fast becoming a good friend indeed, we've launched "OpenStudio" which is held on thurs mornings in a room of our church building. if you've read anything lately from me, you'll know that it was her effort, not mine, that made it happen. so now the artistic group (whoever it may be, each week is different) has a chance to be encouraged and bounce ideas around. one woman who hasnt painted in a while picked up a brush yesterday and played with some clouds. it's therapy!
but that's all more of a side note, a way to mention that i have a new level of art-accountability.
i need that.
another dear friend has challenged my artistic nature in the writing field. planted the idea of writing the script for a video he would shoot to show for next year's SOHLS (sanctity of human life sunday). now, coming up with words that are straight out of my heart about the value of life is the easy part. putting them in an orderly fashion that someone who doesnt already speak "kara-ese" is the hard part. and filtering down to just one idea is also terribly difficult.
but i do keep coming back to one thing.
beauty.
i need to talk to men and find out what their parallel concept is to beauty. strength?
in any case, and whatever word, it is an idea of a complete validation. a "yes" answer to all the doubts and questions of capability and functionality.
i long to dig into the core of every person and find the word that describes what we all long for.
so far, beauty seems to work really well - if we are willing to see it beyond a feminine external descriptor. i'm not talking about "pretty". this is something that is delicate, yet saturated in raw power.
i use the word as it describes sunsets and white-sand beaches; mountains and wildflowers; the craftsmanship in technology; the human mind; dormant volcanoes and cresting waves... whatever makes you pause, even if it is just for a moment, and want to obtain what that thing radiates.
i dont think there is a soul out there who believes this intangible substance is found within them, like a spring of water, inside where no one sees. perhaps the problem is that it is so deep. no one could ever bring it to surface, if such a spring exists.
take a look at our world. what have we decided to do since this raw potential cannot be tapped into? we attempt to create an external version. with clothes and cosmetics, our workouts and eating habits, our work and friends, we try to tell a story about our true self. but it doesnt work. we dont believe our own story, we constantly rewrite it, or long to. what industries make the most money? the ones we use to escape. pornography, fantasy games (from WOW to football, no one is left exempt), the fashion industry, and so many other outlets - they all reveal something. we want more, from life and from ourselves, but it is out of reach. so when someone tells us a new key has been cut that can free us from our fetters, we try it. some of us become obsessed with turning that key in a lock it does not fit into.
long ago i understood the hypocrisy of christianity, but if i had let people get in the way of Jesus i would never understand the fact that he has called us to dig deep and find the spring inside.
it terrifies me.
i think that is why we get so comfortable w/ our fake keys. if we accept the real one, a lot of hard work comes with it. there is a spring of raw power and beauty in each of us, for we were created by God Unfathomable. he tells us to look to him. that is all. just to look. i was reminded of this by c. h. spurgon, this was his call to The Anointed One, to look. but once we look, there is a call to never turn back. there is a call to unearth the spring that has been buried so long.
it's almost like this: looking upon God, the source of beauty, delicate raw power, causes all the mud that had covered the spring inside to be utterly blown away. but we dont know what to do with that, after so much uncertainty and seemingly unmovable life requirements have been set into our minds, we cover the spring back up. we've seen things done under claims of freedom, that look like they came from uncontrolled springs, that have caused true damage to humanity and deepened the resolve of many to keep trying other keys. let it be known that Jesus doesnt uncover a spring and let it go unchecked. if rage is on the outside, it is because the spring is still closed on the inside.
dont hear me say that a spring should be tamed. if the water is life, let it cover everything! drink deep and share. i am telling this to myself more than i am telling it to you. there is one who does not want us to enjoy this spring. and he tells us lies about it. shows us actions that we dont like, and tells us they came out of the spring. he shows us the mud on the hearts of people around us, tells us that it is too thick to ever be removed. worse than that, he tells us they are the mud and there is no spring. we have to look at each soul with a longing to see the spring inside them bubble in freedom. if we live treating people like they have a beauty, if we live looking for that in them...their externals and the mud are loosened and the chains wont seem as heavy. we also start to believe that our own springs have a chance. and guess what, if you are successful at looking at another person (even if they cut you off in traffic) and consider the potential of the spring inside, your spring is already flowing again.
so take a moment and look to Jesus, to God Unfathomable. let the lies and mud be flushed away. sit a moment and consider the raw power of Him inside you. surrender the fear that prevents you from letting Him display His glory in you.
ask Him to identify the name of your fear.  mine is "unattractive ego"... the result is not only do i not brag on myself, i often do not brag about my beautiful God. this leads to me not using the gifts he has given me, and i start to put a little mud on the spring...

these are the things i want to share, the ideas... they flow around in my head. some are like water, they align to whatever else i've been dealing with and take that shape. some are thicker, like molasses, and they stick to my brain and are nearly inescapable! these are both good thoughts and bad thoughts. i wish the bad thoughts would only be like water so that i could put them in the right places, and the good thoughts like molasses so that they would never leave me alone. but i do not control the viscosity of my thoughts if i allow them to control me. take every thought captive. sigh, it's one thing to know, and another to do. God help me.