so, he is out there?

more proof that when we are alone too long, we fall into old practices of false comfort. i'm so glad i've got my dear friend to help pull me out, even though she was unaware.
w/ another girl, we are reading a book i would have never ever ever never ever looked twice at - praying for your future husband. and yet, yesterday we talked over the phone w/ each other about ch 1 and 2. then before going to sleep, i read ch 3. God is bringing me such great things, and hard things, through that book. i am being brought to a place where i pray for a man that i really didnt believe was out there, and honestly was convinced that i didnt want or need him to be out there. but God knows my heart, that there are days that i know that it would be a blessing, and days that i think about those things. and he also knows that w/out a controlled environment my mind will not take those thoughts into a place of growth or holiness. so thanks for leading my friends to invite me to a place that terrifies me and makes me nervous. how long would it have taken me to allow your hand in this part of me on my own? too long. i already had my answer, so how could i ever ask a different question?
communal soul. even if i dont like it sometimes. it's usually the best thing in the world.