the things that catch us often never let go

i'm already an emotional nomad, why not be a physical one? ...only half kidding... about both... sorta. i'm reading a book called "the man who quit money" by mark sundeen, and it is fascinating. perhaps dangerously so. i still have to check out his (daniel suelo, who it's about) blog, but i will eventually. these are my favorite quotes from the book, as i've been reading it... oh, be warned, it's more religious than christian, though there is no doubt Jesus is a force w/in it. there's no way the christian book store would sell it (for reasons i dont disclose). oh, and you'll find a smattering of my thoughts along the way too (of course)

"...[those] who were looking for a more intense connection to the sacred than their churches could offer."
tragic reality. longing to change that in my own environment...

"if we're following our path, then worrying about what could or should happen is a worse illness than what could or should happen"

"it was refreshing at the time to know such a person after i had struggled with...situations where people were more concerned about making me who i wasnt rather than letting their own selves be known."
ouch, right?

and this, a description of suelo, "you were able to point out beautiful things even in the midst of your own despair."

and my current personal struggle! "if i can overcome what people think about me, i can overcome anything."

while it has been raining this whole afternoon, i had some thoughts lead by the mood of this book...
i want to be like the rain. it comes when You call it, it gives its all till it is gone and yet You can call it to come over and over. at the same time, it has no complaint if it isnt called...i suppose it is always called somewhere, i just dont always see it where i am. were i the center of anything, much less the falling rain.

after going into all the things i love about our current financial system (nothing), and the firm conclusion suelo comes to about it being illusory and even more so a symptom revealing "human inclination toward credit and debt" this is a passage we must come across soberly:
"poverty was once considered a christian virtue for it was meant to indicate a lack of concern for the values of this world and a concentration on the life to come,' writes vine deloria in God is Red. 'in the centuries after the protestant reformation, poverty was considered indicative of sloth and other sins, and it was seen as proof of the individual's degeneracy... as the white populace of christian america has become more affluent, the concept of stewardship has been developed to explain the embarrassingly rapid growth of wealth of a substantial number of peoples. the theory goes that we are not really greedy, God has simply blessed us by giving us wealth over which we are to exercise good stewardship."
he goes into what he really sees behind credit/debt: "our reliance on money is akin to original sin...'notice how predators and prey have no sense of vengeance, no pay back...(vengeance is mine, says the Lord). yet we humans have stolen payment and debt from the gods. we cannot freely give or freely recveive anything. we live under constant obligation."

fascinating.

"money perpetuated the fantasy of immortal earthly life, the illusion that we could determine the future."

huh. have we ever paused to consider the fact that we have a clothing store called banana republic? ever stop to think about what that means? it is pretty sickening. we glorify the idea of single-use functionality. be it only having one purpose or only having the ability to be used once.
we do this w/ our minds and our bodies. we have taken the glorious fractal of the created order - of the cosmos, of the earth, the body, even God - and reduced it to singularity. no wonder we have no joy, we're so easily embittered against everything and everyone and become ourselves believers of our own singular use.
i cant live that way. the soul is diverse....

this is a fun phrase, "prius-driving cousin of freeganism" haha, nice way to sum up the careful-culture we idealize in our suburban world.

i find this mentality so close to my own, "...my hardships were long-term, complex anxieties. what am i going to do with my life, how am i going to pay rent or pay insurance, what's retirement going to be like, what am i going to do for a career, what are people going to think if i do this or that? to me that stuff is actually unbearable. and i think most people are dealing with it."

ok, here's another painful swallow:
"wasnt that what Jesus said? do what I do? He was here as an example for us to follow. same with all the prophets. didnt the prophets tell us to be like them? that's what's wrong w/ christianity. they make Jesus and the prophets into icons, take them off of earth, and put them in heaven to worship them, so they're no longer accessible. you've taken a reality and made it into a worthless idol. christians talk about the idolatry of other religions, but when they no longer live principles and just worship the people who taught them, that's exactly what they're doing."

ah, at the end of the acknowledgments we find out that a woman dear to his heart agreed to marry him, and his last words to end it all (to her i presume): "love love love."